As of today, I am Lizzy’s Gainer, and she is my Feeder.

Photo Credit: Lizzy Hayes and Lauren Watson, 5.12.13

If I said I was looking forward to this role within the performance, I would be lying. After our work-in-progress showing, the reality and difficultly of this task dawned on me. I am going to have to eat for 2 hours.

One of the scariest and daunting aspects of this performance is that it is a “relationship of domination, control and dependency” (Mateus 2008, p. s184), completely controlled by my Feeder, Lizzy. The quantity of food is, and will remain unknown to me until the performance. All the control is now handed over to the Feeders within the group. I like food, and I like to eat to remain healthy. Usually with the often small binge on junk food. And this is fine, I don’t mind if I over indulge one day, because I am in control. I know how much I am eating, what of, and when I’ll stop. So, for this control to be passed to another is terrifying. However, I don’t believe that this role is going to be harder than the role of Feeder. Personally, I would hate to have that much control over someone else, and to remain in role throughout the two hours. The possibility of the Gainer gagging, crying or being sick is something which I would struggle to handle whilst remaining impartial to it.

When left “[un]marked, the rituals of everyday life can be intimate or even secret” (Schechner 2013, p. 52), but with the frame and context of the Feeder fetish, the ritual of food and feeding becomes unrelenting. The ritual when repeated becomes exhausting, and resented by both parties. Although this claims not to be the case with actual Feeder/Gainer relationships, I am worried that my relationship and own rituals towards food will be tainted or altered by this experience.

Works cited
Mateus, M.A,  C.S Silva, O. Neves, J. Redondo (2008) ‘Feeders: Eating or sexual disorder?’, European Psychiatry, XXIII (2) April, pp. s184-185.
Schechner, Richard (2002[2013]) Performance Studies: An Introduction, New York: Routledge.